Saturday, January 19, 2008

Best Movie Line In A Long Time

I'm watching "Good Luck Chuck" and it's cracking me up. His friend is completely inappropriate and steals the show. His best line so far this one:

"I would suck a fart out of her ass and hold it like a bong hit."

Thursday, January 17, 2008

It's gonna blow!

Another new term: Vesuviass (ve-su-vi-ass) a person who had (has)uncontrollable, explosive diarrhea.

"I went to make a deuce, but a Vesuviass had used the stall before me. Chocolate lava was everywhere."

Friday, January 11, 2008

Finally, The Black Man Catches A Break

While browsing the web today the following headline caught my eye:

Study: Prostitutes in Chicago Forced to Service Police Officers for Free, Charge Whites and Hispanics More

The full article is here. The hookers were paid $150 per week for the study, which is about 50% of their normal wage, so I assume that they must not be too good at math. Repeat customers get charged less (a volume discount makes sense) and I understand charging whites more - the general perception is that whites make more money. Why do the Hispanics get screwed in this deal? Do Hispanics make more than blacks? If I were black AND a repeat customer AND a cop I guess I'd be asking the hooker to pay me.

I found it pretty interesting that hooking follows a lot of the same laws as the rest of the free market - demand goes up during the holidays, just like the rest of the retail industry. The real problem is figuring out how to fit that gift into the stocking...well, a stocking you want to put on the mantle anyway.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Old Man River, Zip It Or I'll Break Your Hip!

If you've been reading this blog you're familiar with my knee problems. I haven't scrolled back to check, and can't remember offhand, if I mentioned that I also developed a problem with my hip. When I make certain movements I feel a really bad pull in my upper groin and a searing pain deep in my hip. It's enough that at times I have collapsed when I've tried to do something like jump onto the bed or chase the wife. I assumed it was a muscle pull and therefore I have treated it as such. It's been about two months and it's not gotten any better. Other people I've spoken to who have dealt with a pulled groin have said that they take forever to heal, so I didn't think about it.

On New Years day I had some time so I did a little research, and based on my symptoms it sounds like I actually have a stress fracture in my hip. Once that thought got in my head, it made perfect sense. First, with my problems with my knee I am sure that sub consciously I changed my running stride. When that happens it almost always leads to an injury somewhere else. Second, when I think about the movements that cause pain and visualize how the muscles would pull on the bones, a fracture seems almost obvious. So I've stopped treating it like a pulled muscle and more like a stress fracture, and within 2 days I have noticed significantly less pain.

Because I'm not a complete moron, I've also made an appointment with my doctor so I can get a referral to an orthopedist and get a real diagnosis. We'll see what ol' Sawbones has to say on the matter.