Minisize Me

I watched Supersize Me last week. If you've not seen it, it's about a guy who read about the lawsuits filed by two obese women against McDonald's alleging that the fast food giant had made them fat. The suit was tossed but it got this guy thinking - "What would happen if I ate McDonald's for breakfast, lunch and dinner for 30 days?" The results surprised even the doctors who were monitoring his vitals over the course of the experiment. The fatty deposits in his liver (my Dr. knew what the name of this condition is, but I can't recall it) are similar to the effects of alcoholic cirrhosis. His Dr. at one point said "If you were an alcoholic, I would tell you that you're going to die."

So I got to thinking - what would the opposite effects be? I eat Good Times or Carl's Jr or McDonald's probably 3 or 4 times per week. I'm 185 pounds and 5'5" (apparently I shrunk since last year). I'm on Vytorin for high cholesterol (specifically VLDL) and Benicar for high blood pressure. I just had a physical today so I'll know next week what my lipid profile looks like this year. I mentioned this to my Dr. and he thought this was a great idea. He even wants me to come in after I'm done and see how much of a difference it has made so he can share the results with other patients.

For the next 90 days I will not eat fast food - that is McDonald's, Carl's Jr, Good Times, Wendy's, etc. I will not drink soda with sugar in it. When we eat out, I will eat only grilled fish or chicken, no fries. I'll allow myself once per month to have a more elaborate dinner (like Pagliacci's) but will not do that more than once per month. And I will track my success and issues here in this blog.

Best Movie Line In A Long Time

I'm watching "Good Luck Chuck" and it's cracking me up. His friend is completely inappropriate and steals the show. His best line so far this one:

"I would suck a fart out of her ass and hold it like a bong hit."

It's gonna blow!

Another new term: Vesuviass (ve-su-vi-ass) a person who had (has)uncontrollable, explosive diarrhea.

"I went to make a deuce, but a Vesuviass had used the stall before me. Chocolate lava was everywhere."

Finally, The Black Man Catches A Break

While browsing the web today the following headline caught my eye:

Study: Prostitutes in Chicago Forced to Service Police Officers for Free, Charge Whites and Hispanics More

The full article is here. The hookers were paid $150 per week for the study, which is about 50% of their normal wage, so I assume that they must not be too good at math. Repeat customers get charged less (a volume discount makes sense) and I understand charging whites more - the general perception is that whites make more money. Why do the Hispanics get screwed in this deal? Do Hispanics make more than blacks? If I were black AND a repeat customer AND a cop I guess I'd be asking the hooker to pay me.

I found it pretty interesting that hooking follows a lot of the same laws as the rest of the free market - demand goes up during the holidays, just like the rest of the retail industry. The real problem is figuring out how to fit that gift into the stocking...well, a stocking you want to put on the mantle anyway.

Old Man River, Zip It Or I'll Break Your Hip!

If you've been reading this blog you're familiar with my knee problems. I haven't scrolled back to check, and can't remember offhand, if I mentioned that I also developed a problem with my hip. When I make certain movements I feel a really bad pull in my upper groin and a searing pain deep in my hip. It's enough that at times I have collapsed when I've tried to do something like jump onto the bed or chase the wife. I assumed it was a muscle pull and therefore I have treated it as such. It's been about two months and it's not gotten any better. Other people I've spoken to who have dealt with a pulled groin have said that they take forever to heal, so I didn't think about it.

On New Years day I had some time so I did a little research, and based on my symptoms it sounds like I actually have a stress fracture in my hip. Once that thought got in my head, it made perfect sense. First, with my problems with my knee I am sure that sub consciously I changed my running stride. When that happens it almost always leads to an injury somewhere else. Second, when I think about the movements that cause pain and visualize how the muscles would pull on the bones, a fracture seems almost obvious. So I've stopped treating it like a pulled muscle and more like a stress fracture, and within 2 days I have noticed significantly less pain.

Because I'm not a complete moron, I've also made an appointment with my doctor so I can get a referral to an orthopedist and get a real diagnosis. We'll see what ol' Sawbones has to say on the matter.

The Phrase That Pays

Ronnie James Dio is credited with being the guy who started the "devil's horns" symbol that has been used by 15 quadrillion heavy metal fans for as long as I can remember.

Now imagine this scene: A young man is walking down the street carrying a bag of groceries. He trips, and the bag spills it's contents all over the sidewalk. Oranges roll toward the street. His leg is hurt and he can't get up. He points to the errant fruit and calls out to a passing girl - "Little help!"

Someone sitting at a table in a nearby restaurant patio thinks this whole scene is funny and starts using "Little Help" all the time. It catches on.

My question is who was the first person to use "Little Help?" I wonder if he knows he was the first one to use and if it rubs him raw that he doesn't get royalties.

Are their legs broken?

Here's a new rule - if your car's windows aren't fully defrosted by the time you get there, you live too close to be driving your kids to school.